Irritating couples around me

Hey Blogosphere It’s me Nuhan! Are you in a relationship or you’re single or “it’s complicated”, seriously I am happy if you're dating someone, really. But if you fit into any of the categories described below, chances are that NOBODY likes you much.

#1 The Horny Social Media Couples

So these couples strives on social media to get our attention, their idea of foreplay is tweeting, or updating facebook status and it is so fucking annoying honestly! I mean making  love on my timeline? don’t you guys ever communicate in private? Or your whole relationship just on the internet, they just like

Tono: “oh yeah baby, you like that tweet?”

Tuti: “oh yeah, I’m gonna tap this favorite button for ya”

Tono: “oh…. It feels so good when you tag me! Argh….”

Tuti: “oh yes baby! Oh…. Yeah say my username! Say it! Say it! yes, oh my goodness it feels so damn good ah…”

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU? And by far the most annoying thing that these couples does is they post pictures of them kissing each other, and I’m not talking about the pictures of your selfie with your boyfriend/girlfriend beside you and then kisses you because yes I know it’s sweet, I’m talking about picture that showing both of them are kissing, sucking each other face and neither of them are looking at the camera like “hey look at us, we exchanging our saliva #NoFilter” oh please… you know what? I wish I have a filter for my eyes so I don’t have to see you fucking porn pic, are you never understand it? Let’s be real with you okay not a single person want to see a picture of you two kissing, I promise you because it’s weird, it’s uncomfortable, it’s lame as fuck!

#2 The Stupid Cuddly Shit

So these are type of couples that gonna make the rest of us throw up, why? Because the biggest decision in their relationship is who should hang up the fucking phone first.

Joko: “you hang up fisrt babe...”

Susi: “No you hang up”

Joko: “but I want you to hang up”

Susi: “but then I’m gonna miss you”

Joko: “okay what if we hang up at the same time?”

Susi: “okay, you promise?”

Joko: “okay, one, two aw… but I want you to hang up first”

FUCK IT! Why don’t you just give me the fucking phone and I’m gonna hang it up for you! Like what the fuck I promise whoever hangs up first the other person not gonna stay behind and cheating with the operator.  And the other shitty thing that they do is when they do a baby talking to each other and they calling each other with all those ridiculous nick names like “Hey my sweet honey booboo pug angel” or “My little princess sugar butterfly poodle” and here deep down in my heart I wanna say to all those couples like “Oh hey, sorry to interrupt you but what does that even mean? Princess sugar butterfly puddle??? That’s not cute, that’s a lab experiment gone wrong!” I mean can you imagine what a “princess sugar butterfly puddle” looks like? It that cute? Is that how you describing your girlfriend? (Yucks!)

#3 The Siamese Twins

So these two of people are just join up the hip because they go everywhere together and often times one of them is not welcome, for example is when a guy bring his girlfriend to hang out with his buddy because we’re gonna spend the night playing bunch of games, do a farts festival, telling a sex jokes or maybe surfing RedTube. You know what? How the fuck am I supposed to fart freely and tell you about sex jokes when you brought your girlfriend here??? or a girl who bring her boyfriend to a girls night, because you know what’s gonna happen right? Your friend gonna be like “Why the fuck boys are so fucking dumb?” and you are gonna be like “whoa… but not my little sugar butterfly puddle” (yuck!) and she gonna punch you two in the face! i mean TAKE A BREAK! You guys shit together like one person sit and one other person stand beside the toilet and wiping each other ass? Do you pee together? I don’t get it because girls has to sit while taking pee and guys has to stand, do you do like a yoga pose so you both can take a pee at the same time? How does it work???

#4 The Freaking Smeegles

These are the anti-social couples who sits in the corner at social gathering, like everyone else are eating on this table and they are right there on their own private table, everyone are on the dance floor together having a great time, and they over there slow dancing with “Turn Down For What” plays in the background, because the rest of us are laughing, drinking, playing board games having a good time, making friends, meeting new people, then there’s a you two chilling in the corner.  Honestly why the fuck are you here? if I can replace you with 2 mannequin and I prefer having 2 mannequin because at least I can take a selfie with 2 mannequin! You SUCK AS FUCK! Okay….

And the last but not least

#5 The “not couple” Couple

This is the couple who “not on relationship”, they’re always together but they always say that they’re not on relationship, I mean they’re making uot in public, they’re watching movie together, they’re having sex but they’re keep saying “we’re not dating” shoo shoo shoo shoo let me tell you that everyone knows that you are couple okay… and can I tell you a little secret? NOBODY CARE ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS! So you don’t need to hide it like:

Me: “are you dating her?”

Bejo: “What? Dating her? Pffttt no, we’re not dating”

Me: “but you wearing a promise ring”

Bejo: “What? No dude! Ya know I’m a player yo!”

Me: “but it looks like she wearing the matching one”

Bejo: “What? No it’s just a coincidence”

Me: “I know yo’re dating”

 Bejo: “What? No dude! You know me dude…”

I mean who the fuck you are huh? I don’t care about your relationship tho.

So okay guys that’s it…. I hope you’re not fit into one of these type of couple, and if you find a couple who fit into those categories then don’t give a fuck with them, I know they’re fucking annoying but just don’t give a fuck.

-bye-

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Posted in: Terserah Penulis

Times in which people should shut the f**k up!

What’s up you guys!  So before you start reading this post let me just tell you THAT I LOVE PEOPLE!, I LOVE MAKING FRIENDS, I LOVE MEETING NEW FACES, I LOVE BEING SOCIAL ETC. But…..!!! There’s a time that I don’t want to talk to people.  In my brain these situation are like common sense but apparently “common sense” ain’t so common these days So if you don't agree with me, just pipe down.  Here’s the some situation that people should shut up.

#1 WHEN I PUT MY HEADPHONES

When I put my headphones on, it’s like international sign to “Please don’t interrupt my favorite song, and don’t talk to me” but it’s like they don’t get it they know that i’m wearing my headphones, they know that I can’t hear them but they choose to start the conversation, as far as I’m concern wglitter headphones is like wearing “do not disturb sign” YOU HAVE TO RESPECTING THE SIGN GUYS! And you can’t even pretending that you don’t seeing my headphones because these days headphones be looking like giant shit on my ears. And i'm sorry i'm not in the mood to playing charades with you.  And the worst part is when I takes my headphones out and my face clearly express that you’re annoying then I put them back in and that person talks again, what the fuck? Just what the fuck…? In my opinion the only person that allowed to interrupt my music is a pilot on a plane telling me about turbulence, are you a pilot? Are you a turbulence? Are you the safety demonstration video? No? then shut your face!

#2 WHEN I’M IN THE TAXI

Actually I feel like I’m a terrible person for saying this, but I cannot stand when my taxi driver insist talking to me for the entire ride, because I’m in the back seat texting, tweeting, taking some selfies, daydreaming, and listen to my favorite music (like I said in #1), closing my eyes and you in the driver seat try to interview me?.  If you’re taxi driver or your parent is taxi driver don’t be offended, I mean don’t get me wrong I get it, it’s very sweet when they asking about me, asking about my day but the reality of the situation is I would probably go to a party and I’m gonna be forced to be social, meeting new people etc. and I have a thing that I call “the social box” it’s like “laugh box” from SpongeBob Squarepants, I have very very limited amount of “social glitter” in my “social box” so if I use all of my social glitters to talking to taxi driver and I’m get to that party and slap every fucking strangers that approaches me because I have no more social glitter.  DON’T EMPTY MY GODDAMN BOX GUYS! And I promise I’ll give you a good tip if you just shut up.

#3 WHEN DENTIST DOING MY TEETH

It’s boggle my mind that dentists have a such impressive degrees but totally lack of social skill in this situation.  Like they literally sucking the saliva out of my mouth, they are drilling my gum and I can see my blood in the little tubey thing leaving my mouth.  Basically my mouth is looking like goddamn construction sites and they can’t stop asking about stupid question like “Nuhan, how’s your college going?”, “what major do you take?”, “are your parents still together?” and I’m just like “awgehermagerhrdhsad…..” like how many things you want me to do right now? You know what? why don’t you just put a clarinet in my mouth as well I’ll play you a song while you doing my teeth or give me some balloons and I’ll blew them up and have a party.

#4 WHEN I’M IN THE PLANE / TRAIN / BUS

So let me get straight right? I’m sitting on the shitty economy class seat for next 4 hours, sharing a washroom with tons of people and you want me to be social on this plane? No! no, no, no, no! I’m sorry but people who talk to me in the airplane (or train, or coaches… whatever) I ain’t about that! I am not trying to be a social for these many hours, because if you want to talk to me for this entire flight please tell me, just tell me… so I can jump out the window into and just swim for the rest of the fucking way.  I would rather be on the small boat with a tiger and rename myself to “Pi” than be able to talk to you, because let me tell you what I want to be doing I wanna put my headphones in (as we’ve learned at the situation #1 that’s the indication to not talk to me), I want enjoying my shitty seat, I want reading some books (okay JK! I hate reading).

#5 WHEN I’M IN THE MOVIE THEATER

So we watching this movie right? And my annoying friend feels to need to discuss everything happening in the movie! And let me made one thing very clear okay? I AM NOT THE FUCKING DIRECTOR, I AM NOT THE GODDAMN SCREEN WRITER, I’M NOT IN THE MOVIE and if you confuse about something happening on the screen just remember I watching the same screen and I have no goddamn script, and you just like “hey why the hell they kill that guy?”, “is that girl from *insert movie here*?”, “OMG that’s totally happened to me last year” etc. etc. etc. and I promise THIS PERSON IS GONNA LOSE THEIR POPCORN SHARING PRIVILEGES WITH ME! And you know my popcorn be layered with butter and taste DELICIOUS.

I’m sure that you have ever had any of these situation so don’t get me wrong I don’t have social anxiety, I LOVE PEOPLE!, I LOVE MAKING FRIENDS, I LOVE MEETING NEW FACES, I LOVE BEING SOCIAL (like I said above).  I hope you like it if you did please share this with you friends in your social media. ^_^

Bye!

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Posted in: Opini

The magnificence of Angkringan

Hey wassup you guys! For those of you who have visited Yogyakarta or you live there you must be familiar with food vendors they call "angkringan". It is a traditional street food sellers in Yogyakarta who brought their food in a wooden wagon, they sell their food in the street (mostly at night). Angkringan is based on a Javanese word "angkring" which means sitting. You can recognize it with the long benches arranged around the Wagon. Usually it has plastic tarpaulin covering it's top.
So why are they so special? Here's why!

1. The prices.  You will never find other food vendors in the whole fucking world who sell their food with cheap price like angkringan. You can eat many food as you want till your stomach explode with just $1! YES! just 1 fucking dollar. It's cheaper than a pack of generic condom.

2. The menu. There's a bunch of food such as Nasi kucing (literally means "cat rice") because it served with small portions like a cat food, and there's a quail eggs satay, chicken satay, fried tempeh, fried tofu etc. And they also sell beverages like coffee, tea, wedang jahe (hot ginger) etc.

3. The seller. A friendly seller make their customers feel at home in their stall, you can spend a couple hour for drinking a cup of tea.

4. Everyone eat there.  Student eat there, local tourists eat there, foreign tourists eat there, celebrity eat there,  artist eat there , doctor eat there, professor eat there, the guy from korean boyband eat there, honey boo-boo's mother eat there, jehovah's witnesses eat there (JK lol)

So the conclusion is I LOVE ANGKRINGAN! everyone loves it! Everybody needs it! Angkringan is kindness, simplicity, friendliness of Javanese culture.

Okay guys hope you enjoy reading this, and I'm sorry if this post is lil bit messed bc I'm blogging with my phone. Bye...

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Posted in: Opini,Terserah Penulis