Irritating couples around me

Hey Blogosphere It’s me Nuhan! Are you in a relationship or you’re single or “it’s complicated”, seriously I am happy if you're dating someone, really. But if you fit into any of the categories described below, chances are that NOBODY likes you much.

#1 The Horny Social Media Couples

So these couples strives on social media to get our attention, their idea of foreplay is tweeting, or updating facebook status and it is so fucking annoying honestly! I mean making  love on my timeline? don’t you guys ever communicate in private? Or your whole relationship just on the internet, they just like

Tono: “oh yeah baby, you like that tweet?”

Tuti: “oh yeah, I’m gonna tap this favorite button for ya”

Tono: “oh…. It feels so good when you tag me! Argh….”

Tuti: “oh yes baby! Oh…. Yeah say my username! Say it! Say it! yes, oh my goodness it feels so damn good ah…”

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU? And by far the most annoying thing that these couples does is they post pictures of them kissing each other, and I’m not talking about the pictures of your selfie with your boyfriend/girlfriend beside you and then kisses you because yes I know it’s sweet, I’m talking about picture that showing both of them are kissing, sucking each other face and neither of them are looking at the camera like “hey look at us, we exchanging our saliva #NoFilter” oh please… you know what? I wish I have a filter for my eyes so I don’t have to see you fucking porn pic, are you never understand it? Let’s be real with you okay not a single person want to see a picture of you two kissing, I promise you because it’s weird, it’s uncomfortable, it’s lame as fuck!

#2 The Stupid Cuddly Shit

So these are type of couples that gonna make the rest of us throw up, why? Because the biggest decision in their relationship is who should hang up the fucking phone first.

Joko: “you hang up fisrt babe...”

Susi: “No you hang up”

Joko: “but I want you to hang up”

Susi: “but then I’m gonna miss you”

Joko: “okay what if we hang up at the same time?”

Susi: “okay, you promise?”

Joko: “okay, one, two aw… but I want you to hang up first”

FUCK IT! Why don’t you just give me the fucking phone and I’m gonna hang it up for you! Like what the fuck I promise whoever hangs up first the other person not gonna stay behind and cheating with the operator.  And the other shitty thing that they do is when they do a baby talking to each other and they calling each other with all those ridiculous nick names like “Hey my sweet honey booboo pug angel” or “My little princess sugar butterfly poodle” and here deep down in my heart I wanna say to all those couples like “Oh hey, sorry to interrupt you but what does that even mean? Princess sugar butterfly puddle??? That’s not cute, that’s a lab experiment gone wrong!” I mean can you imagine what a “princess sugar butterfly puddle” looks like? It that cute? Is that how you describing your girlfriend? (Yucks!)

#3 The Siamese Twins

So these two of people are just join up the hip because they go everywhere together and often times one of them is not welcome, for example is when a guy bring his girlfriend to hang out with his buddy because we’re gonna spend the night playing bunch of games, do a farts festival, telling a sex jokes or maybe surfing RedTube. You know what? How the fuck am I supposed to fart freely and tell you about sex jokes when you brought your girlfriend here??? or a girl who bring her boyfriend to a girls night, because you know what’s gonna happen right? Your friend gonna be like “Why the fuck boys are so fucking dumb?” and you are gonna be like “whoa… but not my little sugar butterfly puddle” (yuck!) and she gonna punch you two in the face! i mean TAKE A BREAK! You guys shit together like one person sit and one other person stand beside the toilet and wiping each other ass? Do you pee together? I don’t get it because girls has to sit while taking pee and guys has to stand, do you do like a yoga pose so you both can take a pee at the same time? How does it work???

#4 The Freaking Smeegles

These are the anti-social couples who sits in the corner at social gathering, like everyone else are eating on this table and they are right there on their own private table, everyone are on the dance floor together having a great time, and they over there slow dancing with “Turn Down For What” plays in the background, because the rest of us are laughing, drinking, playing board games having a good time, making friends, meeting new people, then there’s a you two chilling in the corner.  Honestly why the fuck are you here? if I can replace you with 2 mannequin and I prefer having 2 mannequin because at least I can take a selfie with 2 mannequin! You SUCK AS FUCK! Okay….

And the last but not least

#5 The “not couple” Couple

This is the couple who “not on relationship”, they’re always together but they always say that they’re not on relationship, I mean they’re making uot in public, they’re watching movie together, they’re having sex but they’re keep saying “we’re not dating” shoo shoo shoo shoo let me tell you that everyone knows that you are couple okay… and can I tell you a little secret? NOBODY CARE ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS! So you don’t need to hide it like:

Me: “are you dating her?”

Bejo: “What? Dating her? Pffttt no, we’re not dating”

Me: “but you wearing a promise ring”

Bejo: “What? No dude! Ya know I’m a player yo!”

Me: “but it looks like she wearing the matching one”

Bejo: “What? No it’s just a coincidence”

Me: “I know yo’re dating”

 Bejo: “What? No dude! You know me dude…”

I mean who the fuck you are huh? I don’t care about your relationship tho.

So okay guys that’s it…. I hope you’re not fit into one of these type of couple, and if you find a couple who fit into those categories then don’t give a fuck with them, I know they’re fucking annoying but just don’t give a fuck.

-bye-

Posted in: Terserah Penulis