[ULASAN BUKU / BOOK REVIEW] Harry Potter And The Cursed Child, 9 Tahun Penantian Berujung Kekecewaan :(

Setelah menunggu 9 tahun akhirnya saya bisa baca lanjutan dari novel favorit saya "HARRY POTTER" saya masih inget ketika Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows rilis waktu itu saya masih kelas 2 SMP, pada 2015 sequel dari my beloved book pun dirilis dalam bentuk pertunjukkan teater di West End London, dan akhirnya di tahun 2016 ini naskah pertunjukan tersebut pun ditulis dalam bentuk buku!  Jadi bisa dibayangkan lah rasanya kaya apa? saya nunggu dari kelas 2 SMP sampai sekarang saya sudah menghitung hari menuju sidang skripsi.  Well biarpun secara teknis ini bukan murni karya JK Rowling, Rowling hanya terlibat “membimbing” pembuatan cerita dan naskah pertunjukkanya diserahkan penuh Jack Thorne, untuk penulis bukunya sendiri Jack Thorne bekerja sama dengan John Tiffany, biarpun bukan cerita "ori" dari Rowling tapi sudah menjadi kewajiban buat saya harus baca bukunya (karena saya gak mungkin pergi ke London buat nonton pertunjukkannya) anyhoo ini pendapat dan review saya 

[SPOILER ALERT!]

Jadi buku ini dibagi dalam 2 bagian dalam satu buku part 1 dan 2 (sama dengan pertujukan teaternya act 1 & act 2) Pas saya baca bukunya jujur otak saya terlalu banyak ngomong "bentar, bentar, bentar, huh?" kenapa? well karena di buku ini banyak banget ketidak konsistenan dari carita original yang pernah dibuat JK Rowling selain ketidak konsistenan buku ini juga banyak mengaharidkan twist yang terkesan aneh dan ala-ala fanfiction, saya jadi berpikir kok bisa ya JK Rowling membiarkan Jack Thorne (penulis naskah pertunjukan sekaligus bukunya) merusak masterpiece karyanya dan menyetujui cerita ini dijadikan buku?  dari beberapa hal tersebut beberapa hal ini yang menurut saya paling parah. 

1.    Pertama (& yang paling krusial) masalah time turner, oke kita semua tau di buku ketiga JK Rowling membuat "kecerobohan" dengan menghadirkan time turner, karena dengan time turner kita bisa balik ke masa lalu jadi kenapa time turner tersebut gak dipakai buat mencegah Tom Riddle sebelum semuanya terlambat dan menyadari hal tersebut JK Rowling pun memutuskan untuk  menhapus segala bentuk cerita yang berbau perjalanan waktu dan memutuskan bahwa alur waktu Harry Potter akan dibuat natural maju dengan menghancurkan time turner pada pertarungan di kementrian sihir (buku ke 5).  Saya gak tau apa yang ada di dalam otaknya  Jack Thorne sampai akhirnya mereka sepakat memutuskan "Let's bring back the bloody time turner!" jadi dalam buku ini time turner kembali "beraksi" bahkan menjadi pokok penting dalam cerita & you know what? yang nyimpen time turner itu ternyata Harry Potter! di tahun 2020 Amos Diggory menemui Harry Potter & meminta time turner untuk menyelamatkan anaknya (Cedric) dari Tiwizard Turnament tapi Harry menolak dan akhirnya time turner ini dipakai diam-diam oleh anaknya Albus Potter & teman dekatnya Scorpius Malfoy untuk kembali ke tahun di mana Cedric Diggory dibunuh Voldemort.  Albus melakukan hal ini karena dirinya ingin membuktikan kepada ayahnya kalau dia bisa keluar dari bayang2 ayahnya yang you know lah ya dia "the choosen one”, pada akhirnya time turner itu pun kembali di hancurkan but guess what? Ternyata bukan cuma satu tapi masih ada 5 prototype time turner yang lain (seriously WTF?).

2.     Say Hello to Scorpibus (?) the Drarry 2.0.  Okay kebanyakan dari Harry Potter fans pasti tau nickname “Drarry” dong? yup! Nickname yang diberikan oleh para Potterhead untuk Draco & Harry mungkin ada jutaan fan fiction yang menceritakan Drarry bertebaran di internet, tapi sayangnya dalam cerita Harry Potter yang dibuat JK Rowling hal itu mustahil terjadi karena, pertama, Harry dan Draco merupakan rival dalam buku 1-7 kedua, baik Draco maupun Harry keduanya bukan lah seorang gay so the Drarry thing just exist in fan fiction world.  Dan lagi… saya gagal paham apa yang ada di pikiran Jack Thorne pada saat itu, mungkin ini yang mereka pikirkan saat menulis naskah The Cursed Child: “Okay we all agreed that Draco and Harry will make a hell’a power couple but they can’t be together so how about we make their sons date each other but not exactly dating we're gonna just teasing the readers”.  Secara teknis Scorpius Malfoy & Albus Potter bukan (belum menjadi) sepasang kekasih, tapi kedekatan kedua bocah tersebut mengindikasikan kalau ada yang spesial di antara mereka (because there's no bromancr like that seriously) ya mirip-mirip Hermione & Ron di awal-awal lah, pada saat Albus menggunakan time turner untuk kembali ke tahun di mana Cedric dibunuh Scorpius berjanji kalau dia akan selalu berada di sisi Albus di manapun dan kapanpun.  Homosexualitas bukan lah hal baru di dalam dunia sihir JK Rowling seperti yang kita ketahui kalau Prof. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, O.M., X.J.(Sorc.) S. Mag.Q. merupakan seorang gay, yang menjadi masalah saya di sini adalah hal ini membuat ceritanya mirip dengan cerita fan fiction ala-ala Drarry, seolah-olah karena para Potterhead “gagal menjodohkan” Harry & Draco membuat kedua penulis tersebut “mengabulkan” harapan para Potterhead yang memuja hal tersebut dan mewariskannya pada anak mereka.  Selain kedekatan mereka berdua masalah lainnya juga muncul ketika shorting hat menyeleksi Albus ke Slytherin tanpa adanya "kompromi" padahal dalam cerita yang dibuat oleh JK Rowling semua anak dapat memilih asrama pilihannya dan sorting hat akan mempertimbangkannya seperti apa yang dijelaskan Harry pada Albus pada epilog buku ke 7

3.     Delphini (Riddle-Lestrange) Diggory.  Okay kalau menurut kalian kedua hal di atas terkesan aneh tunggu sampai kalian baca ini.  Bellatrix Lestrange & Lord Voldemort punya anak! Yup! Yup! Yup! Helo!!! Kejutaaann!!! Jadi sebelum perang sihir tahun 1998 di Hogwarts Bella melahirkan seorang anak perempuan secara diam-diam di rumah Malfoy (Malfoy Manor) dari hasil perselingkuhannya dengan bosnya sendiri Tom Riddle a.k.a Lord Voldemort oh poor Rodolphus his wife cheated on him with his own boss :(. Dalam Harry Potter And The Cursed Child Delphi merupakan tokoh antagonis utama dan ketika identitanya terbuka barulah kita tahu kalau yang dimaksud dalam judul buku ini adalah dirinya (Delphini) Delhpi tinggal bersama Amos Diggory (dibawah mantera Confundus) menyamar sebagi keponakannya.  Seperti kedua hal yang sudah saya jelaskan sebelumnya lagi-lagi Thorne & Tiffany selalu punya cara buat menghancurkan cerita yang dengan susah payah dibuat oleh JK Rowling, bukan hanya kehadirannya dalam cerita saja yang “aneh” tapi alur waktu saat Bella mengandung dan melahirkannya pun akan terkesan aneh, tidak dijelaskan kapan tepatnya Delphi lahir tapi dari kemungkinan yang ada pada saat trio Harry mendatangi rumah Malfoy sebelum perang sihir untuk menyelamatkan Luna & Olivander tidak ada tanda-tanda kalau Bella sedang hamil (ya tentu karena pada saat itu Rowling tidak membuat ceritanya demikian) jadi bisa diasumsikan kalau Bella sudah melahirkan anaknya pada saat itu itu artinya kehamilan Bella diperkirakan berlangsung pada pertengahan sampai akhir tahun 90’an (sebelum 1998).  And again cerita ini sangat dipaksakan oleh kedua penulisnya tersebut, kita tahu bahwa sumber kejahatan utama dalam dunia Harry Potter berasal dari Salazar Slytherin tapi sejak kematian Tom Riddle / Lord Voldemort yang merupakan keturunan dari Salazar pada tahun 1998 membuat warisan keturunan itu pun terputus dan hal itu yang mungkin membuat kedua penulis tersebut menghadirkan sosok Delphina sebagai tokoh antagonis utama dalam karyanya, tapi seperti yang sudah saya katakana hal ini terlalu dipaksakan.

Bottom line: It was a big dissappointment for me karena cerita yang dihadirkan tidak berbeda dengan fan fiction yang banyak ditulis sama anak remaja dengan twist yang "aneh" dan dibumbui cerita romance ala-ala standar fanfic remaja bedanya cuma dengan penulisan yang lebih bagus jadi bisa saya katakan kalau Harry Potter And The Cursed Child is basically Well-Crafted Fan Fiction. But don't get me wrong i still love the magical world that JK Rowling has created for all of Harry Potter fans (including me) dan ulasan ini cuma pendapat dari saya yang subjektif dan spesifik pada buku bukan pada pertunjukan teater, saya belum pernah menyaksikan pertunjukkan teaternya dan mungkin pertunjukan teaternya tidak seburuk bukunya (mungkin loh ya).

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Posted in: books,Opini,review,Terserah Penulis

Is Masturbation Normal? (Masturbation Myths)

For the love of God masturbation is a normal, natural, and healthy physical activity but unfortunately some of us still put a religion and social stigma associated with it, and this stigma drive us to some myths about masturbation.  So I think I'd like to talk about it now and reviled some facts about masturbation.  I know this is probably the most different topic that I've wrote on this blog, I never post any blog post about sex and I think I should start it now because why not? Just because some of you still think that masturbation is taboo to be discussed it doesn't mean you don't do it right? (*wink wink*).

Most of my friends won't talk about masturbation because they think it isn't a normal topic to be brought up and also it has something to do with the stigma that makes masturbation is a shame like "God hates masturbation" or "if you masturbate it means you're desperately single and you need a GF/BF but you don't have one so you use your hand instead" and bla bla bla and also some of you are maybe seriously stressed out because your fear of the physical damage that might caused by self personal pleasure.  What if I told you that masturbation is been around from the beginning of time like ever since the earth still a pangaea or when the first cave man walking around the earth they were pleasuring themselves, and now the problem is (if you consider it as a problem) the society and religion put some stigmas associated with shame of mastirbation, but the truth is masturbation is a normal, natural thing that you don't have to be ashamed of.  And here are the common myths about self pleasure a.k.a masturbation :

Myth #1 Masturbation caused blindness / losing your eye sight.  This is probably the most common myth about masturbation and this is a total bullshit! Because if it's true I must be blind long time ago and yes my eye sight is not that good but it has nothing to do with it, like no scientists has ever published a research about it, i mean come on why the hell spend their money and time to do a research about total bullshit and FYI this myth started back in the day when sex is just meant for procreation there wasn't any funny business because sex felt great they need to have sex just in order to reproduction and anything else outside of that was viewed bad and they needed to find a way to scare people so they don't do any sexual activity outside of that, and blindness is pretty scary so there you go the myth about masturbation caused blindness just started.

Myth #2 masturbation can causes erectile dysfunction, you can't have a boner.  Some people still believe that if you masturbate a lot you'll ended up with erectile dysfunction yet they still do it ;) and i can say that is 100% just another huge horseshit! Again guys there are no scientific research says that masturbation cause erectile dysfunction.

Myth #3 of you're in a relationship you don't need to masturbate, while the truth is many people are still masturbating regardless of their relationship status, the deal is some people think that if you're in a relationship and you do masturbate it means you're cheating on your partner, like if you have her/him why the hell do you need to do that and the truth is people has different and varying degrees of sexual drive and pleasure and if you need a time to get some self pleasure is okay it's normal don't sweat it and if you find your significant other masturbating don't get jealous because sometimes you need to take care of yourself.

Myth #4 women don't maaturbate.  FALSE!!! The truth ia 62% of women regardless of their relationship status are masturbating

Myth #5 there's no health benefits of masturbation, and again guys the answer is absolutely false.  There are plenty of benefits you'll get associated with masturbation like relaxation, less stress, it helps you get a better sleep and I've read a article says that masturbation can helps you get a healthier prostate (if you don't use it you're lose it right?) So yeaahhh go for it guys your prostate will thank you!

And the last one, it is actually more like a question than a myth. "Am i masrurbating too much? How much is too much? Can you masturbating too much?" this is probably the most asked question about masrurbation and the answer is it depends on you, i mean there's no too much for you to masturbate unless there's very small percentage group of people that does actually masturbate too much, so how do you know if it's too much? Well first of all you might be  notice if it's too much like when you feel like you're hurting yourself, your penis is too sore then let  him get some rest don't hurt yourself.  You can masturbate all day long like three or five times a day if it's okay to you then go for it but once that masturbation is actually interferes with you performing social and daily activities, like going to work, going to school, hang out with friends then yes indeed it can turns into too much but if it's not caused the problem then sure you can masturbate whenever you want just make sure while you taking care of your business you do it in your personal area.

Alright guys the reason i made this post is because there are people that concern about this issue and i know there are still some stigmas about masturbation and stuff, I just wanted to let you know that masturbation is 100% natural thing that you shouldn't be ashamed of and avoid to talk about it, spoiler alert almost all of the people are masturbating your Dad, your Grandpa, your brother, your roommate and others like everybody does it! Even (sorry) your Mom! 

I hope this post can straighten your views on masturbation, see ya!

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Posted in: iNfo,Terserah Penulis

Apathy is our biggest flaw

What is your flaw? That question is "wow" i mean that's really hard question and i'm not saying that i'm a flawless person, i do have a flaw (we all have a flaw) but i think my biggest flaw is my apathy. sometimes i feel completely lack of emotion or motivation about something.

My apathy tends to sneak up on me, and it's really easy to get apathetic about something.  i find when i'm engaged and when i have a positive energy like "oh yeah i'm ready to go, i'm an awesome person" but i think the only thing that takes me down severely when i get apathetic, apathy is more dangerous than hate, why? because hate force to move forward at least in its prone to change (ya know it's not actually that different sometimes for love) it means that you care, and apathy is the exact opposite of that.  when you get locked into that you can lose yourself it's the most self-defeating quality i think there is for a human to have.  For me apathy usually comes when i'm not happy with how or what i'm doing something if i'm like "wow i really really suck at this" and i get really apathetic about it like it doesn't matter anyway just pfftt... and even it does matter even if it could matter because i feel bad about myself i let it go and long the same line it's also when i feed my addiction to the virtual world like social media, video games or just chilling out from the real world for too long, i mean everyone is got escape right now like everyone is gotta like watching video on YouTube, or playing video game or bolt your eyes on instagram you know something that helps you escaping from real world,

But when you do it too much you can lose yourself, you will lose your sense of reality and then it becomes a lot easier to just not care about anything at all.  I think a lot of time we enjoy ourselves more in the virtual world because we don't have to pay attention to what our lives are in reality and the virtual world is like easier to improve and it's easier to return like if you not care about to play something goes wrong in the virtual world you just like "pfftt... whatever" you can just move on to another virtual world and it's a lot easier than in real world, you just get one try you getting deal with all this thing that happened, and you have face up to it you can't ignore it and i think for me and for a lot of people it is when you ignore the problem then you grow apathetic about your own life, that's when we are not being "very good people" i guess...

And i think apathy is our biggest flaw, growing up in the age where the virtual world take over everything (like literally) it's hard to not being apathy and it's sad, i try to be more care about anything happened around me but still tho, if something goes out of my control it's easier to choose to be apathetic. it's sounds really really bad but that's the fact i am very sure that is not just my problem, you probably have the same problem as me.  i'm not sure how to fix this flaw but i think we all have to try to be more sympathy (i guess) i know it's hard but it still possible to us to be "not apathetic".

Okay guys i hope you enjoyed reading my short blog, my blogging schedule is really messed-up but i still love to post something in this blog. bye...

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Posted in: Terserah Penulis

2014 Pop and Web Culture In A Nutshell

2014 it's almost over in less than 48 hours, and for better or worse 2015 is right around the corner. So i'm going to make a short review about Pop and Web Culture trends in 2014, we had some good and memorable things but also we had some uber weird and obnoxious trends in 2014.

1. Frozen Madness
We had this Frozen, that Frozen, those Frozen, these Frozen, Frozen themes everywhere!! Don't get me wrong i love Disney movie, and Frozen was an excellent one, but seriously guys... it's time to let it go! literally let it fucking go!

2. Turn down for what?
"Turn Down for What" is a EDM by DJ Snake and Lil Jon released on December 2013 and the music video came in March 2014.  But in pop culture it's a rhetorical question used by teenagers, if "turn up" means the act of getting drunk and high and being reckless so "turn down" would mean "sobering up" then "turn down for what?" means "sobering up for what?".

3. Sharknado
The first Sharknado was okay. The second Sharknado was absurd and undoubtedly any other movies that have Sharknado in the title will be downright obnoxious.

4. Bae & Yasss
Bæ/bae is a Danish word for shit. Also used by people on the internet who think it means Before Anyone Else or another way to say babe or baby, so if you call your BF/GF bae it means you call them shit. And "Yass" A word used out of excitement of a situation. Becomes natural after a while. A more vibrant form of yes.

5. Celebrities drama
There was Solange, Beyonce and Jay Z and every time that Selena Gomez unfriended anyone of her famous friends and most recently the ongoing feud between Azealia Banks and Iggy Azalea. These are prime examples of celebrity drama that should be kept behind closed doors and does not need to be broadcast over the Internet.

6. Chia or Kale?
Kale and chia was all the rage this past year, but it’s time for everyone to put down the vegetable and try some new leafy greens and other weird seeds.

7. Kardashians
‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians” was so last year. Ever since Bruce and Kris called it quits, Kylie and Kendall grew up and Kourtney had yet another baby we just can’t seem to care about what the Kardashians are up to.

8. Stupid People gone viral
Alex from target, Donna Goudeau Pimp Squad and a lot more.

9. Hashtags
It seems like everywhere you turn there’s a hashtag. Every TV show has one, Facebook has tried to incorporate them into their platform, they appear on clothing and as home decor. Please stop abusing the hashtag.

10. Old Movie Reboot
Why does Hollywood feel the need to remake classics like “Annie,” “Godzilla” and “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”? They rarely do as well as the originals.

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Posted in: Terserah Penulis

Irritating couples around me

Hey Blogosphere It’s me Nuhan! Are you in a relationship or you’re single or “it’s complicated”, seriously I am happy if you're dating someone, really. But if you fit into any of the categories described below, chances are that NOBODY likes you much.

#1 The Horny Social Media Couples

So these couples strives on social media to get our attention, their idea of foreplay is tweeting, or updating facebook status and it is so fucking annoying honestly! I mean making  love on my timeline? don’t you guys ever communicate in private? Or your whole relationship just on the internet, they just like

Tono: “oh yeah baby, you like that tweet?”

Tuti: “oh yeah, I’m gonna tap this favorite button for ya”

Tono: “oh…. It feels so good when you tag me! Argh….”

Tuti: “oh yes baby! Oh…. Yeah say my username! Say it! Say it! yes, oh my goodness it feels so damn good ah…”

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU? And by far the most annoying thing that these couples does is they post pictures of them kissing each other, and I’m not talking about the pictures of your selfie with your boyfriend/girlfriend beside you and then kisses you because yes I know it’s sweet, I’m talking about picture that showing both of them are kissing, sucking each other face and neither of them are looking at the camera like “hey look at us, we exchanging our saliva #NoFilter” oh please… you know what? I wish I have a filter for my eyes so I don’t have to see you fucking porn pic, are you never understand it? Let’s be real with you okay not a single person want to see a picture of you two kissing, I promise you because it’s weird, it’s uncomfortable, it’s lame as fuck!

#2 The Stupid Cuddly Shit

So these are type of couples that gonna make the rest of us throw up, why? Because the biggest decision in their relationship is who should hang up the fucking phone first.

Joko: “you hang up fisrt babe...”

Susi: “No you hang up”

Joko: “but I want you to hang up”

Susi: “but then I’m gonna miss you”

Joko: “okay what if we hang up at the same time?”

Susi: “okay, you promise?”

Joko: “okay, one, two aw… but I want you to hang up first”

FUCK IT! Why don’t you just give me the fucking phone and I’m gonna hang it up for you! Like what the fuck I promise whoever hangs up first the other person not gonna stay behind and cheating with the operator.  And the other shitty thing that they do is when they do a baby talking to each other and they calling each other with all those ridiculous nick names like “Hey my sweet honey booboo pug angel” or “My little princess sugar butterfly poodle” and here deep down in my heart I wanna say to all those couples like “Oh hey, sorry to interrupt you but what does that even mean? Princess sugar butterfly puddle??? That’s not cute, that’s a lab experiment gone wrong!” I mean can you imagine what a “princess sugar butterfly puddle” looks like? It that cute? Is that how you describing your girlfriend? (Yucks!)

#3 The Siamese Twins

So these two of people are just join up the hip because they go everywhere together and often times one of them is not welcome, for example is when a guy bring his girlfriend to hang out with his buddy because we’re gonna spend the night playing bunch of games, do a farts festival, telling a sex jokes or maybe surfing RedTube. You know what? How the fuck am I supposed to fart freely and tell you about sex jokes when you brought your girlfriend here??? or a girl who bring her boyfriend to a girls night, because you know what’s gonna happen right? Your friend gonna be like “Why the fuck boys are so fucking dumb?” and you are gonna be like “whoa… but not my little sugar butterfly puddle” (yuck!) and she gonna punch you two in the face! i mean TAKE A BREAK! You guys shit together like one person sit and one other person stand beside the toilet and wiping each other ass? Do you pee together? I don’t get it because girls has to sit while taking pee and guys has to stand, do you do like a yoga pose so you both can take a pee at the same time? How does it work???

#4 The Freaking Smeegles

These are the anti-social couples who sits in the corner at social gathering, like everyone else are eating on this table and they are right there on their own private table, everyone are on the dance floor together having a great time, and they over there slow dancing with “Turn Down For What” plays in the background, because the rest of us are laughing, drinking, playing board games having a good time, making friends, meeting new people, then there’s a you two chilling in the corner.  Honestly why the fuck are you here? if I can replace you with 2 mannequin and I prefer having 2 mannequin because at least I can take a selfie with 2 mannequin! You SUCK AS FUCK! Okay….

And the last but not least

#5 The “not couple” Couple

This is the couple who “not on relationship”, they’re always together but they always say that they’re not on relationship, I mean they’re making uot in public, they’re watching movie together, they’re having sex but they’re keep saying “we’re not dating” shoo shoo shoo shoo let me tell you that everyone knows that you are couple okay… and can I tell you a little secret? NOBODY CARE ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS! So you don’t need to hide it like:

Me: “are you dating her?”

Bejo: “What? Dating her? Pffttt no, we’re not dating”

Me: “but you wearing a promise ring”

Bejo: “What? No dude! Ya know I’m a player yo!”

Me: “but it looks like she wearing the matching one”

Bejo: “What? No it’s just a coincidence”

Me: “I know yo’re dating”

 Bejo: “What? No dude! You know me dude…”

I mean who the fuck you are huh? I don’t care about your relationship tho.

So okay guys that’s it…. I hope you’re not fit into one of these type of couple, and if you find a couple who fit into those categories then don’t give a fuck with them, I know they’re fucking annoying but just don’t give a fuck.

-bye-

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Posted in: Terserah Penulis

The magnificence of Angkringan

Hey wassup you guys! For those of you who have visited Yogyakarta or you live there you must be familiar with food vendors they call "angkringan". It is a traditional street food sellers in Yogyakarta who brought their food in a wooden wagon, they sell their food in the street (mostly at night). Angkringan is based on a Javanese word "angkring" which means sitting. You can recognize it with the long benches arranged around the Wagon. Usually it has plastic tarpaulin covering it's top.
So why are they so special? Here's why!

1. The prices.  You will never find other food vendors in the whole fucking world who sell their food with cheap price like angkringan. You can eat many food as you want till your stomach explode with just $1! YES! just 1 fucking dollar. It's cheaper than a pack of generic condom.

2. The menu. There's a bunch of food such as Nasi kucing (literally means "cat rice") because it served with small portions like a cat food, and there's a quail eggs satay, chicken satay, fried tempeh, fried tofu etc. And they also sell beverages like coffee, tea, wedang jahe (hot ginger) etc.

3. The seller. A friendly seller make their customers feel at home in their stall, you can spend a couple hour for drinking a cup of tea.

4. Everyone eat there.  Student eat there, local tourists eat there, foreign tourists eat there, celebrity eat there,  artist eat there , doctor eat there, professor eat there, the guy from korean boyband eat there, honey boo-boo's mother eat there, jehovah's witnesses eat there (JK lol)

So the conclusion is I LOVE ANGKRINGAN! everyone loves it! Everybody needs it! Angkringan is kindness, simplicity, friendliness of Javanese culture.

Okay guys hope you enjoy reading this, and I'm sorry if this post is lil bit messed bc I'm blogging with my phone. Bye...

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Posted in: Opini,Terserah Penulis

That feeling, ohhh...........

Hey whassup Blogosphere! i'm back! okay so today i made a list about simple things that can make you happy, and if you notice that this is my very first blog i wrote in english. Well i don't speak english so if you found some fucked up words, pleaseee don't be a grammar police ;). And back to the business... So okay guys have you ever had "slap me in the face" feeling? if you had a unimaginable good feeling that you thought you were dreaming and then you want someone to slap you in the face to make sure that you were not dreaming, so basically that feeling happens when you had an exciting thing, but it also happens in a simple things that you can find in daily routine. I've made a list about simple thing that makes you happy and of course it will make you say "slap me in the face!".

#1 

When you wake up in the morning that seems like you missed the alarm and you look at it and then you realize it's actually you wake up before the alarm is ringing and you still got a couple hour left to go back to sleep. It's just great, it's just the best thing in the whole fuckin' world!

#2

If you driving a vehicle and you found out that all the traffic light are green (yassss all of them) you just get to keep going you don't have to stop it's amazing!

#3

When you pulling on a brand new pair of underwear, hmmm.... there's seriously something about opening a pack of new undies, pulling a pair out and then putting it on after a fresh bath. The best part is something about knowing that no gross, no yucky, no one ever touched them before.

#4

When you're on the Twitter and you have a notification from someone that you like a lot (perhaps your crush) favorited your fucking tweet and you just like "Oh my sweet merciful Lord!!! is this the real life? is this just fantasy....???". 

#5

When you order someting in a restaurant and you waiting it and OH MY GOODNESS! it came early! (okay it sounds really dirty when i type it came early, you know what i mean).

#6

When you buy something online and the package delivered earlier than the schedule, seriously it's very rare thing, if you had one you must have been lucky and you just like "oh my God it's just amazing my brand new hi-tech sex toy is finally delivered".

#7

When you pull a fresh blanket out of the dryer and immediately put it on hmmm.... it called the blanket of happiness, it's so cuddle-able and... it's so fluffy!!!! (read it with the impression of Agnes from Despicable Me).

#8

When you having a "Mighty Sneeze" ouuhhh..... there's nobody in there, and you don't worry about holding it back, and you sneeze the biggest sneeze you ever have in your entire fucking life! O-H M-Y G-O-D that feels so good.

#9

When there's nobody in your home and you take a pee with opened bathroom door, and yeah you don't have to worry about your weenie sneaking out because no one home bitches!!!

#10

When you found money in your pocket, it doesn't matter how rich or how poor you are, finding money in your pocket that you long forgot was there just feels awesome! it's like free money that you can spend on anyting you want and not feel the sightest bit guilty about it.

#11

When you crack a joke and then someone laughing hysterically at it, i don't know how it's feel for you guys but i like cracking jokes and getting laughs is great feeling, and it gets better when someone laughing hysterically,  and have lost ability to control it, that is THE BEST FEELING!

#12

(This is my favorite) When someone scratching your impossible to reach itch. There are those one itches that never seem to be scracthable by your own fingers / toes even though you've been try to use chop stick or coat hanger but the itch doesn't go away until someone else come and stracthes it for you. "OMG you're my savior".





Okay guys that is my list of few simple things that makes you (or me) happy, i hope you enjoyed it and if you did please share this on twitter/facebook/etc. And again i'm sorry if my words were fucked up.

-bye-

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Alasan orang menekan tombol "Favorite" di twitter

Halo Blogosphere! Kayaknya saya udah lama nggak nulis, terakhir bikin tulisan bulan kmren bikin resep doang.  So hari ini saya mau ngasih tau beberapa alesan orang mengklik/tap tombol favorite di Twitter, secara fitrahnya (yaelah) tombol favorite dipake kalo kamu suka / setuju sama tweet seseorang, tapi nyatanya banyak banget alesan dibalik sesorang menekan tombol "Favorite", apa aja??? les cek it ot!


1. "Oh i see you bitch!" favorite
Favorite jenis ini biasanya banyak dipake sama cewek (kadang cowok juga) kalo ada tweet yang isinya sindiran, maksud dari favorite ini adalah ngasih tau sang pengirim tweet kalo dia tau tweet itu nyindir dia.
contoh:
Wati *nge-tweet*: "dasar cewek murahan!"
Siti *dalem hati*: "gua ngerti kalo lu nyindir gua, nih makan!" *teken tombol favorite*

2."Wasalam" favorite
Favorite jenis ini bisanya dipake buat mengakhiri percakapan (bales-balesan mention) karena kamu udah bosen ngobrol sama dia, jadi dibanding ngomong langsung kalo kamu udah bosen kamu lebih memilih memberikan "kode" buat mengakhiri percakapan tersbut (mungkin sejenis sopan santun di tweetland).
contoh:
budi *nge-tweet*: @wati: gak bisa bobok nih
wati *nge-tweet*: @budi: terus?
budi *nge-tweet*: @wati: ngobrol aja yuk
wati: *teken tombol favorite*

3. "Sukurin / karma bitch!" Favorite
Favorite jenis ini bisanya dipake kalo kamu liat orang yang nggak kamu suka dapet musibah, jadi favorite jenis ini semacem rasa sukur kita kehadirat Tuhan YME (eh) karena orang yang nggak mau suka dapet berita buruk / musibah.
contoh:
Toni *nge-tweet*: "anjrit, udah ban bocor ujan pula aaahhh kampret!"Budi *dalem hati*: "rasain lu nyet!" *teken tombol favorite*

4. "No thanks" Favorite
Favorite jenis ini bisanya dipake kalo kamu dapet mention yang isinya "aneh" tapi kamu gak tega buat balesnya.
contoh:
Toni *nge-tweet*: "@wati can i see your tit-pic please..."Wati: *teken tombol favorite*

5. "MuPeng" Favorite (my favorite!!!)
Biasanya dipake sama orang yang lagi nyari perharian jadi dia nge-tweet apa pun pasti di favorite sama dia.
contoh:
Siti *nge-tweet*: "ya ampun lucu banget"Paijo: *teken tombol favorite*
Siti *nge-tweet*: "lagi makan #mieayam"Paijo: *teken tombol favorite*
Siti *nge-tweet*: "ya ampun hijab gua nyagkut di pohon"Paijo: *teken tombol favorite*

6. "Genuine" Favorite
Favorite jenis ini sudah amat sanagat sangat sangaaaatttt susah ditemuin, mungkin dari sekian banyak jenis favorite favorite jenis ini yang paling langka, favorite tipe ini dipake kalo kamu nemuin postingan yang bener2 kamu suka dari lubuk hati yang paliiiiiing dalam, contohnya: Scarlett Johansson posted nudes! *teken tombol favorite*, 1D bubar!!! *teken tombol favorite*, cewek/cowok yg kamu suka barusan putus *teken tombol favorite*




Oke sekian Blog kali ini see ya!

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Pekerjaan mainstream yang ada di film bokep

Bokep star adalah pekerjaan yg multi skill karena mereka bisa jadi siapa aja.

Sup Blogosphere!
Tau bokep kan? kalo gitu kalian juga tau dong kalo di bokep itu biasnya nanyangin adegan dengan role play sebagai orang yang berprofesi tertentu, nah pekerjaan yang paling mainstream itu biasanya ini nih:

1. Polisi
Polisi emang udah yang paling mainstream dari sekian banyak professi, umumnya polisi muncul pada video yang bergenre BDSM biasanya sang polisi (cowok/cewek) yang jadi master/mistress-nya sedangkan sang NaPi / tersangka menjadi slavenya, senjata andalannya bisanya sih borgol sama stunt-gun.

2. Dokter
Ya mungkin bisa dibilang professi ini paling "deket" sama bokep kenapa? karena dokter berhubungan dengan anatomi manusia & bokep juga memanfaatkan sebagian anatomi manusia.  Yang paling umum sih biasnya si dokter meriksa pasiennya terus ya suruh buka-bukaan gitu laaahhh.

3. Perawat
Sama kaya yang di atas cuma bedanya kalo dokter itu "meriksa" kalo perawat itu "merawat" *malu*

4. Pembantu
Pembantu di film bokep kebanyakan melakukan pekerjaan yang ga'je dan gak masuk akal seperti masak tapi kompornya mati, rak udah bersih masih juga di lap, ngepel lantai sambil nungging + semua pekerjaan itu dilakukan sambil mendesah!


5. Dosen / Pengajar
Biasanya kelaur di video-video MILF / DILF ceritanya sang dosen mau negur mahasiswanya gara-gara nilainya jelek atau si mahasiswa/i itu pengen dapet nilai tambahan dari dosen terus akhirnya dikasih "kuliah" tambahan deh.

6. Tukang (kebon, ledeng, bangunan, dll.)
Mirip sama pembantu tapi yang meranin cowok (biasnya badannya keker terus kerjanya telanjang dada) , dia lagi benerin saluran aer yang mampet terus si pemilik rumah dateng eehh terus malah jadi "saluran aer" nya dia dimainin sama pemilik rumah.

7. Dilevery Guy
Lagi nungguin pesenan pizza akhirnyaaa tukang anternya dateng juga tapi..... duitnya kurang gimana dong? ya terjadilah komunikasi dua arah antara sang dilevery guy & si cewek biasanya sih tukang anternya nanya "d'u wanna some extra sausage?"

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Cara makan pisang yang baik dan benar

jangan ditiru ya :p

What up Blogosphere!
Kalian suka makan pisang? tau cara makan pisang yang baik itu gimana? mau tau??? yuk cekidot.

[do] kupas kulitnya

Masa iya kamu mau langsung makan pisang sama kulitnya juga -__- inget Pak Kasur pernah membuat sebuah lagu yang berjudul “Keranjang Sampah” & potongan liriknya “Jika kau makan pisang
Jangan dengan kulitnya, kulit dilempar keranjang”

[don’t] melakukan kontak mata dengan orang sekitar

Bayangin deh kalo kamu lagi makan pisang terus mata kamu malah focus ke orang lain Jadi kamu makan pisang pelan-pelan, trus sambil menatap tajam mata orang lain.  Ini bahaya! Kenapa bahaya? Soalnya ntar makan pisangnya jadi gak konsen gitu. Mending kamu konsen ke pisang kamu aja, cepet abisin, trus kulitnya langsung buang.

[do] Kombinasikan dengan buah lain
Seperti yang kalian ketahui kalo pisang itu buah yang mengandung berbagai macam vitamin, serat, potasium dan karbohidrat jadi kalo blogosphere mau lebih sehat si pisang ini bisa dibikin jus dicampur dengan buah lain seperti apel, pepaya (iughgggg saya gak suka), melon, pokoknya kalo buah yang panjang macem pisang tuh kobinasiin aja deh sama buah yang bulet-bulet.

[don't] dijilat-jilat

Jadi bukannya langsung dimakan, tapi pinggir-pinggirnya kamu jilat-jilat dulu gitu deh. Kayak ngejilat itu lho, apa tuh namanya… aduuhhh apa yah itu loohhh es loli. Kamu jangan melakukan hal ini soalnya cara makan pisang bukan begitu!! Ntar pisangnya jadi jemek-jemek lembek gitu lho. Jadi jijik kan makannya?

[don't] deepthroating

Tau teknik deepthroathing dong hehehe itu lohhhh yang di pilem-pilem (eh) Jadi sebelum kamu makan, pisangnya kamu masukkin dalem-dalem dulu ke mulut kamu sampe ke tenggorokan. Nah masalahnya orang-orang sering mengasosiasikan deeptroathing ke hal-hal yang lain, hal lain yang biasa di-deepthroat misalnya… itu loh yang panjang-panjang aduuhhh apa ya namanya pedang. Kayak kalo di atraksi debus-debus gitu deh. Kamu jangan melakukan hal ini ntar kamu keselek trus mati lho. Deepthroat itu butuh latian yang serius banget lho!


Sekian, semoha setelah membaca artikel ini kalian jadi lebih tau cara makan pisang yang baik dan benar.

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Kenapa di sinetron suka ada adegan ngomong sendiri?

contoh sinetron yang pemainnya suka ngomong sendiri

Helo Blogosphere! arsip lama yg belom ke publish nih . . .

Honestly saya gak suka nonton sinetron, tapi yang seya tau di sinetron itu suka ada adegan yang tokohnya itu ngomong sendiri (niatnya sih ngomong dalem ati tapi kedengeran sampe keluar). Langsung aja ya jadi fungsinya ketika sang tokoh mau menjelaskan apa yang sedang ada di pikiran sama dia. Ngomong sendiri ini bisa digunakan di berbagai macam kesempatan & situasi, misalnya ketika si karakter jahat lagi menyusun rencana jahat baru atau ketika si karakter baik lagi mempertanyakan suatu kejanggalan yang baru saja dia lihat. Gak realistis ya? Nggak juga tuh! Ada banyak orang yang suka ngomong sendiri kok. Biasanya mereka ada di jalanan ngomong sedokir trus bugil gitu deh.


Sekian artikel pendek dari saya 🙉

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Penyebab "serangan jantung" selain gaya hidup tidak sehat ;)

Gambar orang "jantungan"

Hello blogosphere!

Tadi pagi saya liat acara di TV yang ngebahas tentang kesehatan, kesehatan jantung tepatnya di situ dijelasin hal-hal yang bisa menyebabkan seseorang berpotensi terkena serangan jantung.  Tapi tapi tapi tapi blogosphere! Saya nggak akan membahas maslah penyebab serangan jantung yang kayak gitu, penyabab serangan jantung yang saya maksud adalah hal-hal kecil yang sering terjadi sehari-hari yang bisa bikin kita “jantungan” mendadak! Apa aja ayok mari baca! saya yakin blogosphere semua pasti pernah ngalamin hal-hal kaya gini :D 

1. Pacar bilang “Ada yang perlu aku omongin serius sama kamu”

Mungkin beberapa dari blogosphere pernah dapet telpon/omongan dari pacar  bilang “kita perlu bicara” whaaattttt???!!!! Pasti pas denger pacar kalian bilang gitu kalian mendadak jantungan sesaat, & bertanya what the fuck happened? Lu mau ngajak putus atau lebih parah lagi jangan2 elu hamidun atau malah ketularan herpes !@#$%^&*()

       2. 15 missed calls from mom

Terutama buat yang nge kos ini! Pernah nggak blogosphere pergi keluar terus lupa bawa ha’pe & pas balik ke kosan di hape ada 3 SMS dari nyokap + 15 missed call, hadeeehhh belum juga dibaca udah bikin dengkul koplak!

3. Dompet mana dompeeeeetttt?????

Pernah nggak ngalamin pas beli barang di minimarket / took trus pas mau bayar tiba2 pas ngeraba saku celana ternyata dompetnya nggak ada padahal nyelip di saku sebelah, wheeewww beberapa detik itu pasti ngalamin yang namanya jantungan sesaat

4. "Invalid ID or password"

Entah karena terburu buru atau emang ada yang jail sama account kita, klita sering ngalamin hal itu pas mau log-in ke sebuah website :p yg jelas itu bikin kita jantungan buat beberapa detik

5. Pengawas ujian ngeliatin mulu

Sumpah saya ngalamin kejadian ini pas UTS kemaren, saya sih bukannya takut jadi susah nyontek (sori ya saya gak pernah nyontek pas ujian) tapi lebih gawat lagi kalo tuh pengawas nyangka kalo kita nyontek terus nama + NIM kita dicatet di berita acara & gagal ujian gimanaaaa hayoooo???

6. Katrunya "ketelen"

Pernah ngalamin kejadian ini di ATM??? hehe  pas transakasi udah selesai kok katrunya “ketelen” padahal emang ATMnya aja yg lelet aaawwwwwwww

7. Eeehhh buseeettt gua mau jatoh dari kasur

Kalian pernah nggak dalam keadaan ngantuk & setengah tidur dikasur terus tiba2 ngerasa mau jatoh dari Kasur???? sebelumnya saya kira Cuma saya doang yang ngalamin hal ini ternaya banyak juga yah yg ngalamin hal mace mini hehehe.

8. Kelewat 1 anak tangga

Pas lagi nurunin tangga tiba2 satu anak tangga kelewat jederrr!!!! (padahal kaga jatoh)

9. Lompatan maut Mario

Buat blogosphere yang gamer & pasti pernah main game yg satu ini dong & pasti pernah juga ngalamin hal dimana pas si Mario mau lompat & hamper jatoh ke jurang tapi untungngnya selamet gara2 kaki depannya udah nyampe duluan :D 

Gimana??? Hal-hal yang barusan blogosphere baca pernah ngalamin sendiri kan? & rasanya emng kena serangan jantung mendadak! O.K. sekian.

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Mungkin ini yang bakal terjadi kalau novel Harry Potter adalah novel dewasa

 Hey Blogosphere!!! i'm back

Saya adalah salahsatu fans berat Harry Potter yup! novel karya JK Rowling itu ceritanya udah melekat banget sama saya.  Saya pernah mikir kalo aja Harry Potter itu novel dewasa pasti 10 hal di bawah ini sering dipake buat melakukan hubungan sex! mau tau apa aja??? cekidot!

 1. Polyjuice

 Kamu tau dong sama ramuan yang satu ini? Dengan ramuan ini kamu bisa berubah menjadi siapapun yang kamu mau (dengan syarat kamu harus bisa mengambil sample DNA targetmu spt. Rambut) tentu hal ini bisa digunakan untuk “praktek biologi terselubung” coba bayangin kalo kamu bisa berubah menjadi seorang yg sexy, hot, ke’ce biar bisa berhubungan sex sama cewek/cowok idamanmu hehehe . . . . .

2. Cermin tarsah

Cermin “ajaib” ini pertama kali muncul di buku pertama ketika itu Harry bercermin dan ngebayangin kedua orang tuanya masih hidup dan Ron yang ngebayangin jadi kapten tim quidditch?, coba ceh kalo kamu bayangin  fap2 / scquek2 sambil bercermin pake cermin ini kamu bisa bayangin artis2 seski macem Megan Fox atau Channing Tatum lagi “ngelus-elus” kamu Hmmmm.

3.Kamar kebutuhan

Di buku ke lima Neville menemukan ruangan ini ketika dia membutuhkan ruangan untuk berlatihnya “Dumbledore’s Army” room of requirement adalah ruangan rahasia yang muncul secara ajaib ketika seseorang membutuhkannya, sekarang bayangin kalo kamu & pacar kamu lagi pengen dan wuzzzzz ruangan ini secara ajaib muncul di depan matamu.

4. Tenda yang diberi mantera perluasan

Kalian udah tau kan tendanya Weasley? Tenda ini dari luar terlihat kecil tapi setelah diberi mantra perluasan interior tenda ini menjadi luas & mewah, tenda ini cocok banget buat kamu yang mau pergi sexy camping sama pacar kamu hehe . . . .

5. Kamar mandi perfek

Di lantai atas Hogwarts terdapat sebuah kamar mandi mewah yang biasanya dipakai oleh perfek (istilah buat ketua asrama) nah suasana dikamar mandi ini sangat sepi sunyi dengan interior yang mewah dan bathtub yang luas cocok banget! Buat buat acara sexy bathing kamu, cuma hati-hati diganggu sama Myrtle hehe . . . .

6. Jubah ajaib

Satu-satunya dari ketiga “Deathly Hallows” yang masih ada yaitu jubah ajaib tembus pandang punya Harry, dengan jubah ini kamu bisa menyusup masuk ke asrama / kamar mandi cewek tanpa ketauan, atau kalo mau lebih extreme kamu bisa ngelakuin sexy time di tempat umum tanpa takut ketuan.

7. Ramuan cinta

Dengan rauan ini kamu bisa membuat siapapun orangnya jadi jatuh cinta sama kamu + rela diapain aja, jadi ngerti kan maksud saya hehe . . . . 

8. Felix felicis

Disebut juga ramuan keberuntungan dengan meminum ramuan ini semua pekerjaanmu bakalan jadi beres! Jadi kalo kamu mau acara sexy time bareng pasanganmu berjalan asoy geboy cetar membahenol minum ini dulu, atau kamu juga bisa pake ramuan ini buat ngedapetin cewek/cowok inceranmu.

9. Time turner

Dengan time turner ini kamu bisa mengulang waktu, coba kamu pake time turner ini pas lagi sexy time jadi kamu bisa mengulang nikmatnya sexy time sama pasngan kamu tanpa perlu merasa capek, mau berapa ronde???? Hajar teru ma’meeeennnnn!!!

10. Shireking Shack

Kalo ruang kebutuhan masih kurang buat kamu, kamu bisa pergi ke Shrieking Shack dengan pintu masuk dibawah pohon whomping willow, dijamin deh acara sexy time kamu nggak bakal keganggu sama orang lain, Sirius Black aja ngumpet di sini aman jadi tertarik buat mampir ke sini???

Nahhhh setelah baca tulisan di atas buat blogosphere yang PotterHead gimana perasaanya???? hehehe itu cuma imajinasi liar saya aja kok. 

-Salam Sihir-

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